today’s the day
fuck I posted this a day late
Time is an illusion you fuck.
October 3rd is my BIRTHDAY yikes I’m gonna save this in my drafts till the time comes
I have been waiting all year to post this.
omg
This has been in my queue for months.
I missed it last year and I vowed that would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YES
omg i didnt reblog this last year!
I have had this in my queue since September
stranger things kids as john mulaney quotes
Eleven: “Excuse me, I’m new in town and it gets worse.”
Will: “I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.”
Mike: “’Cause you know how you lie to your parents?”
Lucas: “I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.”
Dustin: “They’re like, ‘Does that work?’ I’m like, ‘It didn’t NOT work.’”
Max: “Sometimes, babies will point at me. And I don’t care for that shit at all.”
Steve: “Part of me was like, whatever, you know, you know those days when you’re like this might as well happen? Our life is already so goddamn weird.”
Nancy: ♫ And life is a fucking nightmare ♫
Jonathan: “When I’m walking down the street, no one’s ever like, ‘Hey look at that man.’ I think they’re just like, ‘Whoa, that tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!’”
Billy: “Well… you know how I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it. So… eggs.”
(BONUS ADULTS)
Joyce: “I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian.”
Hopper: “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them.”
Bob: “I look like I was just sitting in a room in a chair eating Saltines for like 28 years and then I walked right out here.”
If John Mulaney was a vine he’d be “road work ahead? UH YEAH. I sure hope it does!”
it’s still so wild to me that john mulaney is only 35 years old because whenever he tells stories about his childhood i can’t help but picture him in like the 1960s playing baseball and going to the malt shop and saying things like “why i oughta”
I was talking to my History teacher today about John Mulaney’s SNL episode and she just goes “Me and my roommate couldn’t tell if he was 18 or 38,” and honestly what a mood.
diner: entered
dollars: ready
what’s new: pussycat
what’s new: pussycat
what’s new: pussycat
what’s new: pussycat
what’s new: pussycat
what’s new: pussycat
what’s new: pussycat
its not: unusual
WE ARE FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE SALT AND PEPPER DINER
aradhels